i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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