Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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