Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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