It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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