I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
