My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
