My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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