I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
