How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
