you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
