u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
