my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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