He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
