No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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