my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
