I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
