He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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