So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
