dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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