she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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