no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
