Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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