My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
