Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
