you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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