yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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