our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
