I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He? As in you personified your dick?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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