I think I am morally bankrupt
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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