Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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