the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
