i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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