Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
