Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize