She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my shit smells like andre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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