Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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