ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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