well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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