Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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