Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
