You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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