I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
