Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
