I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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