did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
