how can u be prego again
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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