can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
