I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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