Me too!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
