We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
