Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
