I got chris browned last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
