He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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