somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
