never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
