What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
