life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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