will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
