I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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