I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
