I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
