Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
