Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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